Welcoming Fall: Solutions or Surrendering?

Welcoming Fall: Solutions or Surrendering?

Happy October!! I love the Fall and I'm so excited that it is October and we get to decorate, make pumpkin spiced everything, and light up the seasonal candles that make our home smell so delicious you could eat the air.  Theres been a lot going on lately with the move, redoing our kitchen, my husband about to switch jobs, and just life in general being busy and full of surprises. I've received some emails from you guys about my lack of blogging recently, and I do apologize for my absence, I will do a couple posts soon on recent updates for all that life has thrown our way this past month or so soon! Hold tight (:

I've been doing some reflecting lately and really feeling like I've been too focused on things that arent important and less focused on what is, my walk with God. I have felt sort of like I've been in a desert, a desert I slowly put myself in by not keeping my eyes on Jesus. I learned years ago, if Satan can't make you bad, he'll make you busy. Well, busy is always where the enemy gets me. Even if I'm not that busy, my mind creates busy work and things to worry about that need resolution. I'm a worrier by nature, a problem solver, and do-er, a go getter, I get things done.. its both a gift and a curse.  When I'm worried it means im not trusting. When I am solving everything on my own with my head down then how am I surrendering? Im overly self-sufficient sometimes. It hurts me because we are meant to lean on God daily, moment by moment in all of our decisions and especially in the areas we feel fearful in. A lot of times i'll try to find an answer or resolve something my way because I suppose I think its quicker or it seems easier that way?  When really God is showing me I need to get on my knees, pray and then trust Him with it.  So today I am on my knees. Today I know I don't have all the answers. Today I trust and today I believe that He is sovereign over all the details of my life big or small. 

It is always my hope that by sharing in my struggles and being transparent we can feel connected to one another and know we are not alone in the struggles of life.  By sharing my heart I pray you find peace knowing Jesus is the answer always.  

^^^His best spooky face!^^^

^^^two tiny pumpkins^^^

Jammies by Cotton On Kids (here)

What Is This Blog For & Talking About Healing

What Is This Blog For & Talking About Healing

I have this space here to store our memories, to keep me accountable to journaling and keeping a record of our life, i also share here because I believe its what God calls us to do, to live our lives honestly and openly, sharing our testimony, our story with others so we can relate to one another, join in on this journey with one another and know that we are not alone. Life is not easy, we live in a fallen world so we need each other more than we'll admit sometimes. I am so grateful for a place I feel safe enough to pour my heart out, obviously there are some things i dont share, some things maybe too personal or i feel I need to protect my family or friends in certain areas, but for the most part i try to be really trasparent. I TRY is the key word here.  It doesn't necessarily come natural to me to be so vulnerable and exposed. I grew up thinking I had to be perfect to be loved by someone, that if i showed my flaws or people saw the parts of me that I thought weren't "good enough" that maybe they wouldn't like me as much. I didn't know that this was a lie i was believing, i didn't even know i was thinking this way.. it was subconcious.  It wasn't until I was older that i learned that i had believed that lie for so long and let it shape most of my relationships. I thought i was open with people and one day it came to my attention that a lot of what I shared was what I felt safe sharing but what i needed to share with my close circle was what i needed prayer over, areas where i needed to lean on someone and needed their support or guidance.  How can you really ever be known and feel close to people if no one really knows your heart, your wondedness, the deepest thoughts and troubles that are on your mind? You can't. 

I am so thankful God has revealed this place in my heart that needed healing, and i am so very grateful that i have been restored and I no longer believe those same lies. I didn't come here to even write about this, it just sort of came out when i began typing.  Sometimes i have to remind myself of what im doing here. What this space is about for me. I want it to be an honest space, one where people can ask questions, share their own feelings and thoughts, and be kind to each other... a space where people feel understoond, heard, and connected. It is my hope that you feel as though you are not alone when you come to this blog of mine. With all of the busy-ness in life right now and over the past few months, I have asked myself what can give? Where do i have room to eliminate something?  I asked myself if I feel called to blog, why i blog?  I suppose thats what got me writing this post.  I know why I blog, I know its purposeful, your emails touch my heart so deeply and i have met some incredible women from this online community that i wouldn't trade for the world. Your friendships mean so much to me. I know how healing it is for me to practice hummility and be transparent here.  So questions like the ones i asked myself above are a great reminder for me to focus on listening to what Jesus puts on my heart to share here. This isn't mine, this is His. I want to remember that each time I share something with you.

I just wanted you to know my heart i suppose. And that im grateful for you.

*If you read along I would love for you guys to follow by adding  your email on the right hand side of my blog. its easy! Helps get to know you all. (wont work on a cell phone).

Our Baby Boy is 1 Year Old!

Our Baby Boy Is 1 Year Old

Well, I have thought about this post since the day he turned 1 week old.  Every month I do these sweet updates on our sweet boy & I would think about the day we came to him being one year old.  Now that we're here, I still don't know how to feel. I just can't believe a year of life has gone by with this incredible miracle we get to call our son. It blows my mind, but at the same time it really feels like we have had him here with us forever. I dont remember life without him, just like my husband, I dont recall what life was like not being with him.  I guess thats what happens when your dreams come true, you're so busy living out this incredible experience that you forget about life without those people because it doesn't even come close to how amazing life is with them in it.  

Cash looks the same to me as he did a week ago, when he was 11 months old, he acts the same, and i think thats why its so hard for my brain to process that hes one, because nothing has realy changed... just a number.  Hes still my little baby, hes still dependent on me, he's still a mamas boy and not going anywhere any time soon.  I think i'll really grieve HARD when he looks like a little boy and doesnt need me as much.  For now, I really have enjoyed watching him grow. He is so much fun everyday, doing things to make us laugh, he really wants us to smile and be in it with im, which just kills me. We have a relationship that goes deep,  I was trying to explain this last month in his 11 month old update. When they're just newborns they can't look up at you the way they do when they're older, they cant give you those flirty eyes and smirk/smile at you to try to get you to laugh, they cant crawl or walk right up to you in your lap and give you snuggles and love, they can't call you by your name, or reach out to touch your face with their velvet soft little hands, they dont have a favorite book that excites them to the poin they're panting, they don't look you straight in the eyes and get chya right in your soul & make your knees weak. Those are the things that I adore and cherish that help me stay focused on the here and now, instead of being sad hes growing up.  He's gone from being a tiny delicious little blob that can't do much but smell yummy and look cute, to a little person who knows how to show love, who experiences joy, who explores and has a curiousity for Gods creation.. theres just nothing like it. This is my favorite stage right here, right now. So instead of a sad sob story, I am celebrating that my little one is ONE. I look forward to watching him continue to develop into this person God created him to be, and i know we will have more little blob babies that dont move for awhile, so maybe that makes the fact that hes growing up easier. Knowing i get to do this all over again, it gives me peace. I cant wait to see where life takes us, what God has in store for us this next year as a family of three.

Now for some milestones for the memory book: Hes standing on his own now, however when he notices he is he will sit down immediately haha, he says "mama", "dada", "nana",  and "bite", he walks everywhere with his walker or holding onto us but wont walk on his own just yet, he is still at two 1.5 hour naps a day and sleeping 12 hours through the night, his favorite food is avocado but he also loves hummus, chicken and yogurt, he is down to 3 nursing sessions a day (next week we'll go down to just 2 if hes doing well) and drinking organic whole milk or almond milk, he chats all day long and says things on repeat that we dont understand but he seems to think they're words, he is still super calm and a really easy baby, hes the most curious little guy and wants to watch everything around him before he engages in a new environment, his new thing is driving the car in the front seat (when its parked) i can barely walk by the car without him trying to leap out of my arms for the steering wheel! Hes definitely still a mamas boy, we still battle separation anxiety when i leave him with other people (other than his daddy) but we have gotten better.  He LOVES the swings, he LOVEs water, he LOVES standing, and he always climbs all over me.  His favorite movie right now is Robin Hood, even though he watches only 15 minutes or so of it and then hes over it. He also likes the show Little Einsteins.  

Thank you sweet little baby boy for giving us the best year of our lives.

*Cash's birthday party post will be coming soon! Stay tuned.

^^^these cousins kill me!^^^

^^^Splash pad & baby pool fun^^^

^^^little beach baby^^^

^^^UGH! There is nothing like him!!^^^

 ^^^My besties and our babies^^^

^^^One of the best moments of my entire life, the first time i held and saw our little boy^^^

^^^Hi mama^^^

^^^Birthday bagels and balloons^^^

^^^Binky hoarder, this kid sleeps with one in his mouth and one in each hand! HA!^^^

^^^I spy a litte lover boy obsessed with his mama..oh cashy, im just as smitten with you^^^

 ^^^Shoe shopping^^^

^^^After the beach, look at that sweet wet boy^^^

 ^^^Feeding the coy fish^^^

^^^one of my new favorites^^^

Happy Birthday, you own our hearts.

XO

Our Baby Boy is 11 Months Old

Our Baby Boy Is 11 Months Old:

I'm a couple weeks late on updating on my sweet boy but better late than never, these posts are my favorite because i'll be able to look back at this online journal and relive these moments and memories throughout time.  11 months is such a great age, the older he gets the deeper our relationship goes, not only do I know his every cry, laugh, smile, mood, movement, want and need, but he knows mine. Its surreal to see all that hes aware of now, he understands me, he knows when im trying to get him to smile or surprise him, he knows the songs we sing together, he knows our routine, he is aware of his environment and all thats going on. It just makes me so proud to think of the little boy hes becoming, hes still a baby in every sense of the word, but hes also becoming a little boy slowly but surely.  I always thought i would want to keep him small, a tiny baby forever, but every month gets more and more fun, hes my little best friend that i get to play with and giggle with all day long, we have jokes & things we enjoy together, we just get each other and having that special bond with him where he recognizes im his mama and chooses to love me, its the most incredible magical feeling in the entire world.  He makes me feel like im floating. 

On to the fun part, Cash's 11 month milestones & tid bits I want to store in my memory forever:

This doll is walking w assistance, he can stand on his own but is scared to so he'll sit down once he realizes i've let go of his hands, gliding across furniture, dancing, waving hi & bye, doing hi five, gives real kisses, says mama & dada, prefers standing (always), loves to play w other kids, laughs hysterically, chats up a storm, eats big people food like a champ, sleeping through the night like & still doing two long naps a day, he's still a water baby & loves the ocean & his mama is his favorite & I've got no problem with that. We love u little scumble bee.

XO