EXCITING NEWS!!

We are PREGNANT! Yep, we are having a BABY!

The news came just as shockingly to us one early November morning..

I journaled that week just so I could savor the moment and remember it forever, ever since then I have periodically been journaling to keep track of this FIRST TIME EVER PREGNANCY (for us)! Heres what I jotted down:

When I first found out I was pregnant I was in complete SHOCK. I don’t think I’ve really ever been in shock in that way. I was shocked when I got into Pepperdine, shocked when i got into grad school. Shocked when Taylor proposed, but nothing NOTHING compares to this. In that very moment, I couldn't even understand what THIS MEANT?

I was terrified. I thought, “my husband is going to hate me”. "Im ruining OUR plans",  "we haven't prepared". I don’t know how I blamed myself, when it definitely takes two to make a baby.  I guess I let the enemy take over... fear filled my thoughts instantly. I leaned my head against the bathroom wall and prayed. I prayed for protection, I didn’t really have words but I knew the Holy Spirit knew what I needed, and I remember praying for my husbands reaction for when I walked out the bathroom door to go break the exciting/terrifying news. 

I came out and starting BALLING.  I was overwhelmed with all sorts of emotions, as well hormonal i'm sure. I called for him in a quivering voice.."baaabe". He came rushing toward me and held me in his arms the moment he saw I was crying. “Whats wrong, whats wrong. Babe talk to me,” he said frantically.  I couldn’t say anything. I was in shock.  The words eventually came out after what seemed like forever, “I think im pregnant”.  "What do you mean? How? How do you know?" He didn’t understand, so I led him to look at the two tests, clear as day, on the counter. I burst into even more tears, anticipating his reaction.  He remained completely calm. He took me by my hands and sat me on the floor. As I cried tears of fear and worry, he held my hands in his, looked me in the eyes, and said ever so calmly, ”when I married you, I had every intention of being the father of your children.. yes, we didn’t plan for this right at this moment but God did and we need to accept that and be grateful for this blessing. I want you to be excited. Im going to do everything I can to protect you and take care of you”.  Talk about PERFECT.  Husband, yes, you are perfection. I am such a blessed lady.

      "You’re just saying this cuz im crying and emotional?” 

       "No Tess, I mean it. I feel completely at peace. This is Gods plan.  Lets go to the store and get another test, a digital one, so we know for sure and we can take it from there". 

 We ate breakfast, I calmed down and then we got into the car to go to the store.  After we picked up the digital test he pulled up to our house and told me ”when you go inside I want you to take the test, and whatever the results are I want you to be happy, don’t look back, just look forward knowing God has  plan and we can be excited, He's got us hunny.”  

"PREGNANT". No doubt about it. It showed up within seconds on the digital test.  At this point I was so thrilled to see that I was.  We smiled, hugged, kissed, were tearful (this time, happy excited tears of joy).  We went back to the store, got prenatal vitamins, iron, and body butter..  We walked over to barnes & noble and picked up “what to expect when you’re expecting”.  We wanted to look forward and be excited! No more tears, no more not trusting the Lord.  My husband was my rock that day. He always is. He keeps me grounded, he reminds me to believe in God and believe His plans are far greater than ours.  Together we threw our plans to the wind and gave them to Him.   Together we realized kids have always been what we want, it just wasn't the timing we thought our first baby would come by.  But its also not the timing of two parents who have been trying for a baby for 5 years and have yet to conceive.  So let me just say how grateful we are. We know this is by far the biggest blessing God has ever given us in our marriage and we couldn't be more thrilled.  We haven't looked back since that split second that I allowed the enemy to flood my mind with fear. 

We spent the rest of the afternoon thinking of fun things like baby names, and talked about what our future would be like from now on.  We knew everything was going to change.  I started to get more and more excited as the day went on.  The days following were surreal..is this really happening.. all the pregnancy symptoms came on FULL FORCE.  Waking up 3-4 times a night to pee.  Exhausted and could barely walk, let alone work out.  HUNGRY all the time, even right after i had eaten. I researched every vitamin and had to stop taking most things.  Morning sickness came at around 5 1/2 weeks. I was and am in complete protective mommy mode. 

I was not ready for this. Nor did I think I could be a mom any time soon, but the moment you find out you are pregnant you truly do become a mom. I think its different for men, I think they need to feel the baby move or see it before they understand how real this is.  We started reading all about the changes our baby goes through weekly as it grows, as well as what mommy goes through each week.  We pray morning and night with our hands on our new famiy member. Its nuts, and happened so quickly but we both feel at peace now and feel so so so very thankful for this precious gift of life.

Ive been reading baby blogs... I have become a mommy-blog-aholic! I read so many blogs now all about pregnancy, what they went through, and find it soothing to be amongst women who have experienced exactly what I am experiencing. I find it so facinating! So I have decided to blog, as often as I can. This way other pregnant women can relate and read my story, just as I read other's and feel more sane along this crazy journey. AND, I will have a neat diary of my entire pregnancy to look back on one day. 

So here it goes..

<3



I hope our story of fear, excitement, love, laughter, and hope can be inspiring to someone else.

HONEYMOONING IN ST. LUCIA

                    HONEYMOONING IN ST. LUCIA

 The night after out wedding we set out to St. Lucia for our honeymoon.  We stayed for 6 nights, 7 days and had the best time together. It was so nice to be alone with each other as husband and wife. We had the nicest time relaxing in the ocean, lying on the beach talking about our future, hiking, going on walks along the shore, watching the sunset with our feet in the water, eating an incredible amount of food, going on once in a life time excursions, and just enjoying being newlyweds. We were able to soak it all in and start our journey together on the most beautiful, fun, stress free note a couple could dream of.  We didn't want to leave and talked about staying on the island forever.  I know if we didn't have two incredible families we would be leaving behind, and wonderful friendships, we would easily move away just the two of us to a remote island where we could just enjoy one another and slower paced, more relaxed life.  We talk about going back to St. Lucia all of the time and hopefully will plan a trip back soon.

The most fun of the trip: going zip lining
The most romantic: having a suite to share with my new hubby
The most beautiful thing I experienced: The breath taking sunsets along side of my husband
The best food: Dinner-Gordon's on the Pier (had to have butler service to eat here... we got on the list by a dear friend)  Lunch-Barefoot by the Sea
The best company: OF COURSE MY HUBS
The best entertainment:" The Queen" our tour guide for one of our excursions.
The most memerable moment: The entire trip! I will never forget anything about this trip. I would say a very sweet moment that sticks out in my mind is when the two of us were lying by the pool and Taylor pulled up the song (on his phone) he surprised me with and wrote me for our wedding. I had only heard it at our wedding in front of 230 guests so I wasnt able to fully take in the lyrics at the time. Now by ourselves, married, at the most beautiful place in the world, I was in tears on a lounge chair listening to the most incredible thing i'd ever heard.
The worst part: Leaving. Although, we were so excited to live together, begin our lives, move into our new place, etc,it was still really hard to leave.
The most intersting: we went on an excursion to see the drive in volcano (SOOO FUN, and the mud bath is the best part of it all), afterwards you get to go eat lunch at a tiny little restaurant in the jungle and have some home cooked carribean st. lucian food. SO SO YUMMY & SPICY!

 There you have it! We can't wait to go back!

We're Married!

Officially Mr. & Mrs. Armstrong!! 9/22/12 marks the best day of our lives.  That day could not have been more of a perfect dream.  I will never forget waking up so excited and nervous to meet Taylor at the end of the aisle.  I couldn't sleep that night and remember waking up several times looking a the clock to see if it was time to get ready yet.  Around 8am I finally popped out of bed and went out onto the balcony of our suite at the St. Regist Resort to look at the weather.  Instantly I saw them setting up on the grand lawn below us and my excitement jumped from a 10 to off the charts. I was so eager to put on the dress, say I do, and run away with the man I'd dreamed of all of my life. This day meant so much to me, but spending forever with him is what I feel like I was created for.  

Getting ready was so much fun! I always worried something would go wrong on the one day every girl dreams will be perfect. NOTHING did. Everything went absolutely seemless and smooth.   

I spent time alone drinking coffee that morning and prayed. I opened my devotional and tried to listen to what God had to say about this huge step we were taking.  For 3o days I had been praying over different vereses for my husband.  Our mentor couple had given me a neat packet of scripture to pray for your husband and I had decided to read one verese each day for the 30 days leading up to our wedding day. It was such a neat experience that kept me focused on what really mattered, becoming One with this man, making this covenant committment between him, myself and God.  And then looking at what that means, what that really means.  It was not about the flowers, the dress, the food..it was all about how to prepare myself for making this committment for the rest of our lives.  I couldn't wait for that!  Since the moment we met I knew he was it. I had no doubts, no fears, I just wanted to make sure I fully understood what Gods view of marriage is and how to live that out obediently and fulfill my duties as a wife to my husband.

I will always remember the look on his face when he first saw me and hold it in my memory, his smile and eyes made every nerve flee my body. I felt nothing but warmth and peace right when I turned that corner and we locked eyes. Thats what he does to me, he makes me feel at home. He will never take the place in my heart that my Lord fills up, but I see him as an angel that God gave a special ownership over my heart that only he could fill.  I couldn't picture my life without him, and I beleive God gave me this way of seeing things, because he is my forever, and we are now one.  

His vows to me are eternally engraved into my heart, the way we kissed that first moment as husband and wife will be something I will forever try to live up to, I will do my best to live out each vow and pledge that I made to him that day, and remember every moment that passes that he is a gift, a true blessing, and he saved me. I am thankful to the Lord for giving me such a generous man with the most loving heart, and I will make sure to do my best to treat him as the special child of God that he is.

I love thee, and "not even death shall part me from you".

My next post will be memories from our honeymoon. 

We're Engaged!

For years we knew we had found our soul mate.  So when the day came that we would take that next step to plan a wedding, it was the best day of our lives to date.  I'm sure you've had a chance to look back and read the story of how God wove our paths together to finally meet, but here is the story of how my prince charming, my best friend, the love of my life planned out how he would ask me the biggest question of our lives: "Will you marry me.."?

Taylor and I love taking walks on the beach during the summer time.  We live in such a beautiful location in Southern California, we enjoy taking advantage of the warm weather and love to talk with each other one on one while getting in some fun exercise.  We have had countless conversations for years along the beach about our dreams, our goals, and our plans to spend our future with each other.  On April 22nd, 2012 we were going on our normal Sunday stroll but this time we brought along some lunch to picnic.  It was an overcast day and it was supposed to rain.  We decided we would give the beach a shot anyhow.  I didn't suspect anything because he hadn't been acting any differently at church or in the car on our way to the beach.  He even said, if "I wanted to we could stay inside and watch a movie since it might rain".  He completely through me off by appearing so nonchalant and as though he didn't have a plan.  You see, I am the most difficult person to try to surprise.  It's nearly impossible to get anything by me because I am a very curious person and extremely observant.  Well, he sure pulled it off.  

We landed a spot at Salt Creek beach in Dana Point on a grassy slope.  Taylor laid our blankets down while I held onto our lunch.  He was laying the second blanket down when I just barely sat down..  He was already on his knees and as he extended his right leg forward in "traditional proposal position", he simultaneously took a beautiful red wooden box out of his jacket pocket, "babe, you might want to stand up for this".  My stomach dropped.  I didn't know what to think.  I was in shock, and so happy and nervous all at once.  I had JUST barely sat down, as in, my butt had not even hit the ground, and here I am quickly popping back up like an overdone pop tart.  I leaned in ever-so-intently to listen to the next words that would leave his lips...those words that would change our entire future.  Before he could say anything though, out of my mouth came, "I'm gunna to throw up" , oh gooodnessss ...nervous babble.  Way to be romantic, right?  Couldn't I have said something else or just stayed quiet? Nope! Typical me, blurting out ever so comfortably everything that pops up in my mind.  I guess it makes for a better story. We aren't perfect, so our proposal should match that imperfection as well, or so I tell myself.   Back to the romance, I will never forget the look on Taylor's face, unlike the words he said.  I wish so badly I could remember every last word he said.   But I was so ecstatic and it was such a magical exciting moment that my brain froze.  I was in shock. Utterly surprized. Completely captivated by the moment and gazing into my      h u s b a n d s  eyes.  Yes, my husband. My forever.  Thank God I do remember the most important part, this part stuck with me, this part was thee best moment of all the moments in my life that I have ever experienced, "Tess, I want you to be my wife, will you marry me?". Gassssssp. "Yes!!!!! YES YES YES YES! Yes! Today tomorrow and forever. OF COURSE, with all the certainty I've ever known, yes!"  Okay, so I didn't say all of that...but I was thinking it and have every single day since.

Later in the evening Taylor repeated back to me those beautiful words he had said, so I could hold on to them forever and never forget, "You are my best friend, I love every moment we spend together, I want you in my life for the rest of my life, I want you to be my wife, will you marry me?"  I said "YES, OF COURSE" and jumped on him! After 5 minutes of tears, hugs, "i love you's", "is this real?!", and kisses...he said, "babe don't you want to put on the ring".  HE STILL HADN'T EVEN PUT THE RING ON! I jumped on him and was hugging him so tight, he had been patiently kneeling there down on the ground holding on to it waiting to slip it onto my finger.  So finally, I stood up and he slowly put the ring on, it was stunning!  This ring was so absolutely beautiful, it took my breathe away, and my words.  Which, is nearly i m p o s s i b l e.  Haha! He shared with me the meaning behind the ring, why he chose the diamond he chose and how a piece of this ring, our ring, will forever symbolize his Granny's legacy.  I couldn't feel more honored to accept this ring and wear it for the rest of our eternity together.  

Right away we sat back down and I rested my head on his chest, we prayed together for our future, embraced the moment of sitting there staring out into the ocean, and processing all that had just happened.  These moments I will remember for the rest of our lives.  That prayer will be eternally engraved into my inner most being.  He said with such new strength as the leader of this new home, "Lord, thank you for my fiance', thank you for this woman you've put in my life, thank you for where You've brought us today in our journey.  I pray for protection for our marriage and during this time of planning a wedding.  I pray that You would bless our union and our lives together.  We are so grateful for one another and thank You for the love only You give, Amen".   

We picked up the phone to call our families, take pictures, and went back home to get ready to go to a fabulous dinner party with all of our closest friends and family members at Tortilla Flats in Mission Viejo on the lake.   It was the perfect day.  I will never forget it.  I felt so special and so unbelievably happy that I get to spend the rest of my life with the man I am so madly and deeply in love with.  We are so grateful to our families and friends for their support and encouragement to take this next step in our journey together.  And we feel SOOO blessed the Lord has gifted us with each other!

Running Ahead

“Sprint. Go. Don’t stop, not even for a breath”.  Do you ever hear yourself telling you to keep going, going, going, full throttle?  You may think you know what you’re running toward or into, but do we really?  Only God knows what lies ahead of us.  Its like there are 2 roads, one road has some bumps, pot holes, oil spills, and may be quite narrow but theres is peace throughout the process of walking along it.  The other road, the second road, is full of massive obstacles such as bent over trees fallen to the ground, clouded with fog and darkness as the sun hides from us, gaping cracks in the road to keep us stuck, and sometimes even hitch hikers, you know, the scary one’s that carry a duffle bag with who knows what in it.  I don’t think we always know what road we are choosing. Sometimes we think we are headed in the right direction so we don’t stop and ask God for guidance or any assistance at all, whatsoever.  “I’ve got this one God”, we say boldly and confidently to ourselves.  Yet, we end up facing huge obstacles as we fight our way onto the road we thought was best. Once we have our mind focussed on the end goal, we push on and try to figure our  own way out of the quick sand that now consumes us, to get to where we think “we need to be”.  ...What about God?  Where is He in this master plan of ours?  

The first road, "the narrow peaceful road with some bumps along the way" seems like a better place for us to travel.  Yet, a lot of the time we don’t go that direction.  We forget that God knows whats best for us, and we lose sight of surrendering our lives over to His will and following His path.  You see, walking with Hiim isn’t always easy, or graceful, or struggle-free, but He promises us peace, strength, hope, and endurance along the way.  With the Lord at our side we can climb any mountain, endure any storm, and persevere with peace knowing He’s got us and his Holy Spirit is alive in us enabling us to do so.  

When we run ahead, we really only imagine ourselves ahead, in reality we are taking the longer route to where God is eventually going to get us to go.  I once read a story about a caterpillar who fought to be the greatest caterpillar in the world, but God had a different plan.  Once, the caterpillar gave up trying so hard to be something he wasn’t, he surrendered in the cocoon, gave up fighting, and became a beautiful butterfly.  At times, I find myself striving to stay on the ground with the rest of the crowd, doing what feels comfortable.  When I rest in God’s comforting hands I realize I’m not meant to crawl on the ground, I’m meant to soar.  Walk easy, gently, and peacefully.. where are you really rushing off to?  This year, let's pace ourselves, be patient, trusting, and never running ahead of God.  Make a conscious effort to avoid the road that looks shorter, the one that is so tempting to jump onto with both feet, the road enveloped with obstacles and never-ending twists and turns.  Close your eyes and ask God, "what's my next move?".

                                                        

"TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;	5
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,	10
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.	15
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference." -Robert Frost

Wait..do you hear Me?

Wait, My precious child I have great purpose for you, only good for your life pours out of Me. How can I show you any more than I already have to trust in Me? I have always been here with you and yet at times you push away and then shout out to Me in a desperate screech, "Where are you Father"?! Why do you do this to yourself? Fall into My arms and let Me catch you like each grain of sand caught in the power of a wave. I am in control, stop fighting, let go, release the pseudo power the world convinces you, you have. You don't. I will show you. If I have to bring you back in close to me, I will. I will hurt as you hurt, as you painfully struggle to do things on your own, your way. It won't work. I won't allow it, because you are Mine, My creation, My child, and you need Me. 

I never let you go but I will give you freedom to pull away. My light follows you hoping to save you from the darkness that fights to consume you. I'll always knock ever so gently on the door to your heart, creating openings for you to hear Me, see Me, want Me. I whisper in your tiny, closed off ears. My sound is found in the wind, in the sun, in the stars, in humanity, in the rain, in emotions, and in every form of creation you could dream of. Hear Me? If you don't, then unclog your heart of the venom that has slowly seeped in, hardening the soft place in you I created just for ME to fill. That is My home in you, nothing can fill it but Me. Don't allow yourself to be numb to Me, distracted, and unfocused. I can give you more with My love than any distraction, addiction, control, temporary fix, person, or thing in the world gives. Allow Me to hold you in my arms grasping you so perfectly so you may experience My everlasting, unconditional love, My grace that I give freely to you, and My peace that transcends all understanding. Accept Me, I'm revealing Myself, I always have, choose to trust My plan, receive My love and treasure it. 

I'm showing you, you don't need to plan your entire life, I already have. Walk with Me and each step will faithfully appear in front of your toes as you press down your foot in belief. Let you worries, your fears, your plans, and your concerns drift off into a cloud above you, and rest now, you are being taken care of. I have the answers, the peace, and your protection in My Mighty hands. Your will sends you in directions that lead you astray, it only takes longer for you to find your way back. Give it up. Picture yourself floating, so free, the chains filled with worry and the thorns full of fear are suddenly gone. Surrender. I always bring you back to the answer you discovered last time, S u r r e n d e r. Do you hear?

Fragile Security?

One of our basic needs as human beings is security.  Most of us will do almost anything to feel secure.  Security can be financial, physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual.  Think about it..whatever goals you have set out for in life, the underlying motivation for most aspirations is security.  Whether we want a big home or a fancy car, or simply basic needs that can fit into a small back pack, or one day having a big family, or even no kids, deep down within us is the need for our lives to not go to "crap".  Yes, everyone's idea of a "crappy" life is different, but we all long for security to have and keep the things we think we need and want.  

A lot of us are determined to find security.  Whatever it looks like or however we think we can get there.  For some this may come in the knowledge of having a place to call home, or having someone to care for them all the days of their life, loving them and committing to them for forever through "marriage".  The problem is, eventually our money, possessions, knowledge, and relationships fail or will be gone.  Houses can burn down, children drift away from their parents, marriages may fail, people pass away, and some may loose their jobs, generally far too many things are not in our control and can come along and wreck those things we once found all of our sense of "security" in.

We eventually learn to not place our security in things or in people.  Only God can give us lasting security.  What have you, yourself trust in for security?  And how long lasting is it?  How many times do we need to feel like everything is taken from us, like we are doomed to death without the one thing we thought we had security in?  When it is gone, stolen, and you feel robbed in life, then what? 

My answer is, it is there where we find Jesus.  He is our only constant.  He is our rock.  He never leaves our side, He is always with us.  We cannot say that about our parents, they will die one day and we will be left without them.  We cannot say that about our spouse, they too will pass away, let us down, hurt us, or leave us.  Our children grow up and move out and begin their own families.  We all age and lose our physical "beauty" that some us may use as our security, the one thing we've always had and always leaned on.  Money, cars, houses, clothes, pets, belongings..all can be taken away.  Jesus is still here.  He always is, and was.

"What he trusts in is fragile; what he relies on is a spider's web.  He leans on his web, but it gives way; he clings to it, but it does not hold up" - This scripture from the book of Job demonstrates a beautiful picture we can think back to in those moments when we question putting our trust, faith, and security in things, belongings, and in people.  This can be a reminder to look to God, the only One who is not too fragile to lean into.