Since I was a little girl I dreamt of the woman I'd become when I was "old". I would sit in the sun playing house with my dolls, my real purse, real stroller, real checkbook (voided of course), and real keys to my moms real car. An "old soul trapped in a little girls body". That's what I've always said about myself. Since I was a babe I wished and longed for the days when I was "older", married, and having what little girls experience in fairy tales, what I play pretended with Barbie and Ken, what I was blessed to see between my parents in a 'real life love story'. I couldn't stop myself from trying to imagine what he'd look like. Dark hair, beautiful light eyes, a smile that could melt you to the floor with, you know, "the one", my one, my one and only.
That's all I had, a blurry vision of what I dreamt up with my imagination and longing heart. But God had something better. Something great, someone perfectly crafted just for me and I for him. I couldn't have dreamt up the guy I needed, the one who could never take His place but could take THAT special place in my heart. The place I'd felt beating and racing FINALLY when I saw Him, the one, my one, my one and only. I felt a part of myself growing, maybe it was the place he filled within me, encouraging me to grow in ways I hadn't ever before. I know one thing is for certain, he became a light in my life, the brightest light. God knew what He was doing and how He'd use this man in my life to keep molding and shaping me to be this woman I was meant to become, the woman I was created to be for "Him" and for "him". So for 21 years He held out waiting for the perfect time to introduce this bright and brilliant light into my life. I was ready to change, ready to pursue my relationship with my Lord and savior and finally in the right place where I could be capable of knowing what it meant to have a healthy, mature, adult relationship with a man He knew I'd be serious about. That's when everything changed, I changed.
The first moment I heard his voice on the phone I knew I felt a spark inside. It was as if there was a glitch in my internal self that kept going off and I couldn't stop it. I got the guts to finally meet him. I went shopping, got dolled up, and grabbed my best gal to be my best wing man. The entire drive from Malibu to Hollywood I gushed to my wing man about feeling something real, something different for this guy, an unknown face, only a comforting but distant voice that quickly became so close even through a phone call away. After 2 weeks of conversing via telephone, 35 minutes and 28 miles away, I was going to see him, to lock eyes, and possibly touch. The feelings rushing through me could only be described as a thousand fire flies dancing in my stomach as if they had consumed ten 5 hour energy drinks, EACH! The closer we got to Hollywood, the more I could feel my heart palpitate as if it was coming through my chest. My hands and feet went cold as I glanced in the mirror ready to be face to face with this one special person. No one else mattered in that moment, I kicked one foot out as my heel touched the asphalt, I saw him.
Walking across the street to greet one another felt like time had slowed, almost as though it froze. I was experiencing each deep inhale I took, every heart beat, and the way the city smelled like cigarettes and the nights dew. Yet, all the thoughts I had pondered on for weeks, fled my mind..the only thought I had was, this guy is CUTE! And that's what I said. Our first words in person, staring eye to eye, the words I had dwelled on and wondered about for 14 days, "what would I say", those oh so special first words, those words, were "your cute!" !? WHAT WAS I THINKING! WHAT CAME OVER ME! But it was perfect, he embraced me, he giggled coyly and was completely and utterly flattered. We locked eyes and couldn't pull away from each other. He too thought I was "cute". I stared deeply, becoming so quickly lost in his beautiful light eyes, just as I had imagined, but better. His eyes were like Hawaiian seas, a bluish green, and deep with depth. "Dark hair, beautiful light eyes, a smile that could melt you to the floor with, you know, "the one" I had hazily dreamt up? This was him, but even better. I could see he was nervous too. We hugged and "WE" felt safe, the nerves fled and I new I had met my match, my one, my one and only. And that's exactly what he became, and still is, from the moment I said those two words, "YOU'RE CUTE", we couldn't and wouldn't ever be apart. The man I dreamt of, the husband I stayed awake and played house imagining being married to, the charmer my mom and dad wanted their little girl to find, the prince I prayed for, for countless nights: Taylor Holland Armstrong, you are him, My one, and my only.
