((pre haircut: this guy got a big boy hair cut! ))
My little one has had a rough past 3 weeks. I believe it began when we started MOPS and my husbands schedule has changed quite a bit this month where hes had to be gone more often, so thats also been an adjustment for our little one. MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) is an incredible program through our church where mommies get to have some "me" time together, eating breakfast, doing crafts once in a while, and being empowered by weekly speakers on parenting, womanhood, stories of strength etc. MOPS is the first time i've really tried to put him in daycare with strangers watching over him (aside from the 2 times we tried the gym and 1-2 times we've tried sunday school at church), hes usually watched by one of his grandma's or my sister who lives on my street and has a little boy 8.5 months older than Cash. I knew going into this was going to be an adjustment and that he would probably need a few weeks to get used to it, what i wasnt prepared for and what I didn't know is how he would be effected by it outside of those 2.5 hours on Thursday mornings once a week.
He started to have a hard time whenever I would drop him off at even his grandma's house or when i would leave him at our home with my mom to go to work. He had been doing so great with this for the longest time so it was all of a sudden that he started to have that dreaded separation anxiety again. He then became more clingy and attached even when around his dad, he just wanted mommy to hold him and would call out my name and cry a bit while they were doing bath time and i was making dinner (which he usually loves that alone time with dad). He started getting more antsy whenever i tried to explain 'mama had to go to work' or 'daddy and mommy were going on a date' or even when i just needed to run upstairs to grab something real quick he would cry as though i was going to leave him.
The last couple weeks have been so stressful on him and i both because i feel such guilt leaving him when hes telling me "no no mama" and crying hysterically, i mean big crocodile tears and panic like hes never done before. Im NOT used to seeing him like that AT ALL. Which completely broke my heart and made me worry while away if he was okay or if he was in distress the entire time. I know its stressful on our littles to go through this too. They genuinely are scared and uncomfortable and just want you by their side. I completely feel for him and wish I could always be there for him every minute but thats just not healthy for any mom, even a stay at home mom, or any child. Toddlers at some point need to learn that mommy will come back, daddy will come back, and they're okay on their own for a little. He is such an independent kid while hes playing so its really difficult to see him go through this extreme attachment phase. Yesterday, we were at my moms house with my sisters and their kids and he freaked (crying and clinging to me) out when they walked in the door and he saw other kids, thinking i was going to leave, he has never ever done this before. He loves his cousins and loves playing with other kiddos. He's definitely on edge and waiting for me to go at any moment, which makes me so sad that he isn't trusting his environment. I make sure to always say "Bye" even though it makes it harder on me to see him cry, its important that he knows i wont leave without telling him bye so he doesnt have to look over his shoulder every second to watch me and make sure i dont leave. I know a lot of mommies who want to sneak away while their distracted, and i have been so tempted to do that, but every blog and article, and book i've read says they need to know you're leaving and not be surprised when they turn around that you're gone. It makes it worst because then they wont trust you.
I don't have an answer for this, I just wanted to share our struggle so if any of you other moms are battling this right now, Im here for you, and/or if you already have or will in the future I hope this gives you a little peace knowing you're not alone.
I'm sticking it out and being strong so he can learn to be independent apart from me. Im hoping and PRAYING that he feels at ease and peace when im not there and that he can begin to have fun with the other kids. I know one day he'll be in preschool and then kindergarden and this is prep for just a couple hours to get him used to that. Today was a small victory with him lasting the entire 2.5 hours and only crying a little in the beginning and 2 minutes before i came to get him. I will take itt! and im a proud mama of my sweet boy.
*if you have any tips please share below in the comments for myself and others mommies who read along here
XO
Hi Tessa, I have followed your blog for a while and want you to know that you are not alone. Ours sons are the exact same age and I have a baby on the way as well due this summer. My son is going through the exact same separation anxiety. I can't leave him at church and when I try to work out and leave him, its the loudest cry I have every heard. I'm attributing it to his age and being able to express himself more. I'm also hoping to stay consistent and do a hour work out a week where he's in child care so he gets used to the idea that momma needs her time and she will come back. It's been getting easier where now he will cry for a few minutes as opposed to the whole time and be playing when I come back. I get anxiety before I bring every time though, so its the worst thing to see your child so upset! Thanks for sharing, it's helpful to know we aren't alone going through this!
ReplyDeleteugh im right there with you sista!! I also read its the age! Just today i saw something about 18-22 months them going through a regression, so we are at the peak of it! Good luck mama, nice to hear from you
DeleteI have the opposite problem! My daughter runs into daycare like "see ya, mom!" But I know it just means she is secure and happy which is wonderful. I'm sure it's just a little phase :) my daughter had a brief period when she was younger where she cried when I left her class. Good luck mama!
ReplyDeleteTHank you for hope Veronika! i sure need it, it is truly heartbreaking!
DeleteTessa! So good to hear your experience. I have a 2.5 yr old boy & his separation anxiety the past year has completely wiped me out! We sold our house last March and moved in with my parents, for 7 months, then our house was done being built and we moved in. Things went back to just being us 3 and I do think that was a BIG change for him. He spent a lot of time with my mom and dad and he does a lot during the week. Between his nannies where he is with 4-5 other kids and then the one on one time he gets with my mom through the week things got REALLY bad. I felt so extremely guilty leaving him to just go to work. Sometimes when I go upstairs to do laundry he will cry for me and has to have me in sight at all times. It's hard! Sometimes I love it and sometimes I hate it and I am such a worrier. I do though, think it's harder on us moms than the kiddies! Hang in there! I totally know how you feel! <3 xoxo
ReplyDeleteMan Sarah it is exhausting isnt it??! I live with that dreaded mom guilt too and am working really hard at surrending it over to God because it drags me down. I am so sorry you're going through that too and you are so right, it is harder on us im sure!
DeleteI'm so sorry to hear this! Separation anxiety is never a fun experience. I have a 19 month old who is usually very good about going with her Grandma while mommy works but will cling to me with tears in her eyes and her tiny arms as tight as she can get them around my neck some mornings. This doesn't happen often but when it does, I'm at a complete loss. I usually hold her for a few extra minutes until she calms down (sometimes I will even go about making her breakfast there at her grandma's until she is comfortable). She does always eventually accept that mommy has to leave, but I always say to her "see you this afternoon!" before I leave. I think that comforts her too, knowing when I will be back. Maybe assuring him that you will be back within a certain time frame will help ease his anxiety? I hope you find a solution that works for your precious little boy, I know it's tough! Good Luck!
ReplyDeleteOlivia
Yes i totally say "i'll see you later, or I'll see you soon" to reassure him. I actually stopped hanging around because I read it can make it worse and drag out the goodbye. He knows im leaving so hes pretty much crying the entire time, so i've learned from articles to make it short and sweet now. That DOES however work for when im leaving him with his grandmas, the longer i stay, the more comfortable he is when i leave (:
Deletegirl, both of my kiddos have this.. and it does get better, my 4 year old still struggles a little when i drop her off at the gym or at preschool and sometimes we still have tears but she has made HUGE progress. now my littlest who is 1.5 is going through the same thing that my oldest did at her age where she just wants me all of the time.. she won't go to anyone in my family either she just wants me.. it's so hard and sometimes i get so frustrated because it would be nice to not feel stressed if i just want to run to the gym while my husband is at work.. but i know she will get there just like Brooklynn is.. they have such sweet tender little hearts and it is so hard to watch them struggle but they will be better for it! <3
ReplyDeleteOh girlfriend i totally feel you!! I just want to be able to have some "me" time really quick at the gym too but then i feel guilty that my little guy is asking for me the entire time. They do have the most tender little hearts, and im so grateful for that, but it is definitely challenging sometimes. Thank you for your words and support!
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