My Baby Boy Is 4 Months Old!

My Baby Boy Is 4 Months Old!

((Of course a picture overload & a 4 month old update))

17 Weeks

My sweet little boy,

My how you've changed! And so quickly! Other moms tried to prepare me for how fast you'd transform week by week, right in front of my eyes, but I couldn't possibly understand the truth of that until experiencing it myself. These past 4 months have been so beautiful and such a blessing & I say that not to imply that everything has been perfect but that you are perfect and have made our family so happy and whole. 

We are always excited to be woken up by you even if it's at 6am with this time change. Your sweet smile has gotten even sweeter as you've grown older, if that is even possible. You have learned to roll over, belly laugh (my absolute favorite!), smile a ton, you blow spit bubbles and purse your lips and it makes everyone around you laugh, you have mastered bringing toys to your mouth, you can actually enjoy tummy time now, you hold your head up without any trouble, you know who mama and daddy are, you are a curious little guy who loves to people watch the moment you leave the house, you make the most insanely adorable sounds (coos, screeches, and all sorts of laughs and cries), you wake at 4am to eat ..still ..(probably because you don't eat enough during the day...you are Mr. curious and get distracted by your surroundings), you are still looking like your daddy's twin but people say you have my eyes (yes!, I hope I'm as cute as you), you know how to suck your thumb and often are shoving your hands into your mouth and drooling a TON (Dr. says you could be doing this for months before your first tooth breaks through). You have grown into such a handsome little bud who now fits into 4 month old clothes, even though you are still so teeny tiny you seem so much bigger to mama. Thank you for being such a wonderful baby. You are so calm at just the right moments and make leaving the house so easy for mommy. You take 3-4 naps a day and have gotten pretty good about falling asleep all on your own. I am one proud mom to be walking around with your sweet soul. 

I love the way you've changed, you are so much fun and fill our home with such love and joy with your playful spirit. My days with you are such a gift, each day you remind me what life is about. I see our Creator through you and in you. You literally take my breath away when I stair at you sometimes... you are so beautiful when you sleep, so beautiful when you smile, so beautiful when you need me, so beautiful how you trust, so beautiful the way you play, so beautiful with daddy, so beautiful as you learn, so so beautiful... There is no better word to describe you.  You are beautiful. You are the most magnificent beautiful being I have ever seen.   It warms my heart that God loves you even more than I. I'm forever thankful for you and cannot believe that God chose me to be your mama. 

Happy Four months my little beautiful peach. 

2 Months Postpartum & My View On Losing The Baby Weight

2 Months Postpartum & My View On Losing The Baby Weight

2 Months Postpartum (cant wait for that dark pregnancy line to fade away!)

Oh boy I'm a little behind on my posts because I have a few giveaways in the works for you lovely readers. So Needless to say, the above picture is from a few weeks ago and my sweet boy is now 10 1/2 weeks old! They just grow so quickly (ill try my best to finish his 2 months old post as well this week). 

My little work out buddy 

This is 8 weeks postpartum after a cardio session, feels so good to sweat again!

I lost 19 pounds of my gained pregnancy weight by 3 weeks postpartum. Since then I haven't lost any more weight. I gained 21 lbs while pregnant so I have 2 lbs to go until I reach "pre-baby weight". I just think "pre-baby weight" is such a silly term because although you might reach the same weight, your body can look & feel completely different than "pre-baby". I think I have a few lbs of body fat to lose & a few lbs of muscle to gain back. Our society has this strange fixation on getting back to "pre-baby weight" ..of course theres weight to lose since you have to gain a healthy amount while pregnant, but the biggest difference is toning up and letting your body adjust from having a huge baby inside of it (not necessarily losing that last bit of weight). For example, your uterus has to go back to its normal size (it goes from the size of a watermelon at 40 weeks pregnant, to the size of a pear while not pregnant) this takes at least 3 months after you've had your baby. I think it's about feeling confidant and great in & out of clothes again. And maybe it's a new confidence as a human that has now birthed another human?!. My point is, weight shouldn't be the goal.. The number on the scale really doesn't mean much & shouldn't define us. I aim to be strong, to be healthy & happy for my husband & son, to be an example & light for my Savior to use, & to feel great inside & out while taking care of my body so I can live a long joyful life with those i love while feeling good and energized. That's MY goal. I've done the whole "I'm hunnnngry and starving and cranky all the time" thing & the "overwork yourself and miss out on life" thing AND the "eat crappy and feel crappy" thing. Its a mess, it makes you feel like a mess, and its no way to live life abundantly the way we are meant to, the way God intended for us to. 

So if you are coming on this journey with me lets look at this from a healthy lens and encourage and lift each other up to be our best selves, love and embrace ourselves, and get to a place were we feel confident, and for lack of a better term,.. g r e a t. 

Making time to work out is tough and requires a bit more planning than when you can just pop into your car and go whenever you want (pre baby).  I have to either plan it perfectly for him to be napping (hes still young enough to do this and take him along in his carseat while i work out really quick), or on nights when my hubby is home early enough for me to go really quick, i will sometimes go but its hard to miss out on time alone with my husband while the baby is sleeping.  I work out probably 4 days a week doing cardio and i've been trying to do weights at least 1 time a week in a class..sometimes i can get in 2 times a week.  

I havent been as focused on getting back in shape (or more toned rather) than i have been on being happy and enjoying these moments with my family & juggling going back to work twice a week & spending quality time alone with my husband. Its tough when you also cook & clean and JUST moved a month ago and still have so much that needs to be done.  I slowly but surely will get to a place where im completely satisfied with my level of fitness and strength, but right now its not on my list of top priorities and i think thats a great thing.

I will work out when I can, stay motivated, and be okay with that.  I feel great right now, I may not look the same as I use to prebaby but I feel so amazing for just having made a life and getting to spend every day with my two boys. I feel healthy.. minus my stinkin sweet tooth (i can thank breastfeeding for that one).  I feel like my body is naturally going back to its shape somewhat, and i didnt have expectations of how long that would take or what the end result will be. Im not on any diet, im actually eating a little less healthy than i use to just because my cravings are really strong for fatty foods and sugar while breastfeeding but im okay with that too. My goal is to not be hard on myself and to ENJOY living in the present with my family.. because why strive so hard and stress myself out when i could be gone tomorrow and lose out on the really important moments with my two favorite people sharing giggles and cuddles.  

I havent noticed that much of a change since a few weeks ago, other than my uterus shrinking day by day (not using a wrap or anything for it just letting my body naturally do what its supposed to).  I think i'll kick up trying to tone up maybe in a few months when we're more in a groove of doing things around here and when we can establish more of a routine as he gets older and my husband and i figure out working and babysitting etc.

Stay tuned for my 3 month postpartum check in next month! I love doing this journey with all of you other mamas. Share your thoughts below!

We Have A Baby & He Is 1 Month Old

We Have A Baby & He Is One Month Old

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body" - Elizabeth Stone

My baby boy is already one month old, where do I even begin with how beautiful and special this past month has been? 

I could never imagine what it would be like to be a mommy. The moment he was placed on my chest I instantly fell in love.. it was so surreal, i could see myself in him, i created this being with the person I love most in this world, my husband.  It was an INSTANT love... I think thats how God intended for it to be. Being a parent gives us a glimpse into the love our Lord has for us.  I cannot even imagine how He possibly loves us more than I love this little person.

The first moment I found out I was pregnant (read story here: http://tessarayanne.blogspot.com/2013/01/exciting-news.html) was not how I imagined itd be.  But it was perfect. It was so special because it brought me even closer to my husband. In a time of need he was really there for me. Something that could have really tested us in our first 6 weeks of marriage,  united us as one and strengthened us because we had God at the center and knew we could trust in Him because this was Him at work and His hand that created this life inside of me. We were so happy, so grateful, and instantly we loved this little baby inside my womb.  I want to reflect back to how grateful I am for the incredible journey of pregnancy, I honestly already miss it.. i know, i know, it sounds crazy.. I never thought I would say it, but I really do miss the experience, and it seems so far in my past already .. Its almost like I dont remember what it was like because its such a magical feeling that only when you're pregnant can you feel that supernatural experience (if that makes any sense, maybe you mamas know what i mean). I was always terrified of pregnancy..being out of control with your emotions, your body, you dont feel like yourself, you are uncomfortable, so much can go wrong with you and the baby, and i had heard horror stories about labor and delivery... but that was not my experience at all.  I loved every moment of pregnancy. I want to say thank you Jesus for such a wonderful pregnancy, labor and delivery, and for the greatest gift in this perfectly healthy baby boy.  He couldn't be any sweeter, he is such a playful happy soul, we couldn't love him any more. We are so excited to watch him grow. Its a battle within my soul because I long for him to stay dependent on me for his every need, to be able to cradle him, cuddle him, protect him and keep him my small little baby forever, but I also dream about the moments that lie ahead.. moments where I will watch him become a big brother, walk for the first time, discover his talents, watch him create art and be playful, listen to him sing songs and laugh, become the man of God that I know he will be.. these moments sound so sweet and warm my heart to just think about.  I believe being a parent is the most important role in the world. To be able to guide someone, shape them, lead them, & love them into being who they were created to become is such a rewarding and incredible gift.  It is also terrifying, demanding, and requires a ton of prayer, responsibility, thoughtfulness, love, selflessness, and patience. I know I was meant to be a mommy, my heart wants so badly to do everything it can to give this boy of ours the wonderful joyful life he so deserves... I feel like my entire perspective on life has changed, my meaning for being alive has expanded & become something entirely new and much more fulfilling.  I live and breathe for my boys. I want to be a better wife so I can be a better mommy, I want to be a wonderful mom so I can be an even greater wife... it goes both ways. I have so much more to learn in life and so many years ahead of me but I truly feel a huge shift has taken place in me.. this shift is more like a tidal wave that has taken over my soul... I exist to serve Jesus, I've known this sacred lesson for some time now... but He has put this new burning desire in me along side of being a light for Him.. to be all that my family needs me to be.. to shine bright for them, to be my husbands other half & my children's safety that they can rely on. I want to be a better woman.  I want them to be able to count on our marriage, to be confident in our love, to never question the security they can find in our family, in our home, in our Christ centered relationships with one another. I will live to make these humans happy, healthy, joyful, and spiritually fulfilled in Christ the best way that Jesus shows me how.  I cannot put into words the feelings that I have about this, this is the best I know how to explain it.  Maybe its unexplainable.. love, that is. Maybe its love that I cannot explain. Maybe my heart is so full of love that my being has changed. And maybe this is just a fraction of what God feels for us & thats just it, its unexplainable, agape LOVE. A love that has no conditions.  Im still figuring it out.  But i know this much, this first month of being a mother & a wife to my boys has been the most trying month, but the best month of my life...& i owe that all to the love that has consumed my heart. God is doing amazing things in this little family of mine. I may not always give Him the thanks that He SOOO deserves, so taking moments like this remind me of how blessed I am.. I deserve nothing, & I am so grateful for all my Father has gifted me with, thank you Abba. To Him be the glory!

I want to forever remember these precious moments and all of his firsts.  It is the best feeling to hold your baby in your arms and know that they are forever yours.  When he looks up at me i know that I am all that he sees, he makes it known with those pretty blue eyes that I am everything to him & he trusts me... THIS IS what life is all about.  This is truly living. I see life in him and through him. I see our Father's wondrous work in this beautiful and perfect being.  The touch of his soft skin & tiny hands and feet, his chubby delicious cheeks, those lips that were made red and juicy for kissing, his sweet scent that i cannot get enough of, his fragile body that needs my protection, his adorable smile that just wrecks me in the most perfect way, the back of his neck is softer than velvet, his tiny little buns that fit in the cup of my hand, his eyes that I see myself in, the way his chest lifts while hes breathing, the adorable faces he makes while hes dreaming, his every whimper, coo, grunt, squeal, and cry make my heart sing... every little bit of you Cashy just fills your mama to the brim. 

All is well with my soul.

Happy Birthday to me! Little man is 1 week old here

 Every morning i make a point to cuddle this little muffin... not that i have to try, hes so delicious that i cant wait for morning when i get to grab him out of his bassinet and cuddle him close (we cosleep if hes having a hard time sleeping or being noisy).

 His lips just kill me.

 My first outing by myself with Cash, coffee date of course (and much needed i might add)

Catching some sun rays with this little 1 week old cutie pie

Those little legs and feet!!

First smiles captured on camera (3 weeks old).. he is such a happy little babe