Wednesday, September 7, 2011

When I can't hear you, its ME.

I know I have your promise that ‘your sheep will hear YOUR voice’.  I think the problem is, sometimes i feel like i am one of those sheep who is deaf to his Shepherd.  So many distractions and little things get in the way of me listening for You.  Sometimes my head and ears are overwhelmingly overflowing with doubt to the point that there is no room for hearing You.  I feel not only deaf but I go blind and suddenly I’m left wondering around completely vulnerable, an easy target for sin and temptation.  It’s such a silly place to be in because I know that I am the one that created this handicap.  You are always with me and have assured me you are present at all times.  So this feeling that I am all alone is me listening to doubt.  I go over and over it in my journal, “Lord, why cant I hear you”, “Jesus, help me to feel you, to see you, to believe and overcome any disbelief about you”, “fill me up with your holy spirit”, “open my heart to understand and receive what you’ve always offered me”.  All these words, but where is the action?  I can feel it only for so long before I finally get a kick in the ass and make myself FIGURE-IT-OUT.  I figure myself out.  
So what do I do?  I do something different then what I am currently doing that is NOT working.  I go back to the basics, back to the simplicity of having a relationship with Jesus.  I spend time with Him and carry out what I know He has taught me.  I open my bible and start listening again. I learn to be still again.  I learn to tune out the world and all of my tiny itty bitty distractions that had become giant blocks inhibiting my greatest relationship.  I learn to focus in on what is important by quieting my mind, my thoughts, and my emotions and concentrating on hearing God’s.  He speaks to us through the most beautiful and unexpected ways.  We all want the LOUD BOOMING VOICE OF GOD but sometimes it just doesn’t occur in the way we expect it to.  Some ways that I find he gets His message to me is through spontaneous thoughts, visions, feelings, and impressions.  It’s that thought that all the sudden pops up in your head when your driving and you think, “I need to pray for Molly”.  I believe it’s God telling me to pray.  It’s that spur-of-the-moment thought that lights up in our minds.  Another way he speaks to me is while listening to music.  If I am silent and I open myself up for unhibited flow, I feel Him speaking to me in an entirely different way, sending chills down my spine.  He also does this while I desperately close my eyes and pray, sharing all that’s buried deep within my heart and suddenly a vision emerges.  Sometimes a vision may come so easily that I am tempted to reject it and throw it aside thinking it is just me.  But it’s Jesus.  I see this through my writing.  I journal my prayers and see us having a conversation, him and I, back and forth.  What we experience on a daily basis is him speaking to us and teaching us through our circumstances.  He talks to us LOUD and clear.  His presence is everywhere and in everything, because He is always present with us, so how do we not see Him?  Well, like I struggle with, its me getting in the way of Him.

                                There is beauty in the breakdown of the treasure found in His voice.

No comments:

Post a Comment